Of new work and new heartache

New work... and guess what?? new heartache?

I'am happy with what I'm up to now... I can say that I have matured and more serious with the work I have been assigned into. I can't thank God enough for letting me experience this, because never in my dreams did I imagine be in a "real" corporate world.

So... I have come to meet a lot of people lately, I can say these people are really different from the ones I have worked with. Their more serious now, more competitive, some you can trust and some you can't. But this Guy.... he's kinda different.

Despite the fact that everyone in the office observed, plus the fact that its obvious that he may not like me and treats me like a sister. I cant seem to get him out of my mind....

Why can't I get him out of my mind? I knew I had a crush on him... but I did what I have to do... I tried to be busy to get my mind from thinking and fantasizing about him.. and suddenly because of his "sisterly" treatment for me, now I feel I have fallen so deeply in love with him... So paano na?

He'd always call me little sis.. i wanted more than that....
He'd always text me love you... I wanted to ask if that was really coming from his heart or he's just used saying it..
One time he said he knew he's not going to live long... I told him because he hasn't found the right person to spend his life to.. I wanted to tell him I'm just here... and I'm willing to be on his side... forever..

I love him...

This is it!

Annie's moving to a new home!
Yes, its going to be next week..
That quick!

After three years of praying.. waiting.. frustration..
Here it is..

I am very happy... at the same time very sad..
I am leaving my second family..

I will never forget them..
I am throwing all the bad memories behind and will only take all the good ones ♥

Maybe this is how it is...
It hurts... yes it truly hurts...

Working like this is my last day

Yup, you've read that right! Lately, i have been feeling sluggish and empty. I just said to myself that this work brings the worst in me. I was fed up; yes! and there are a lot of reasons why.. mention about salary, benefits and this damn work load.

I have submitted my CV all over the place, luckily I was interviewed. So to say, the interview went well, there's no result yet. but I think I'm through for the first one-- there's another one I think.

As I 'am gearing up for another interview, I was dreaming every morning that this must be my last morning here in my work, As I might be working the next few days to another one. Thinking that way, it instantly boozes my good mood towards work. Imagine, last day of working, thinking of what to do next to promote something, plus imagining that finally you can have a REST every saturdays... hayyyyy.That's enough reason to feel really GOOD!

It's been a week and the prospect employer hasn't called yet...yes I'am still waiting! but bearing in mind that this could be my last day (hopefully) truly revs up my conscious state of mind.

Who knows how long it will work? But for now I am good at this. and yes! I am still working as if this is my last day!

Lord, would it be too much if I ask you to please grant my prayer? just this one Lord. I know your plans is much better than I have, but I have been on this agony for quite sometime... You said, ask and you shall receive. Lord I humbly ask for your enlightenment. I'm worried that this point in time, I may decide based on my feelings alone, I may forget or hurt someone base on my unruly decisions.

Could this be..... Love? again???

Recently, my mind can't stop from wandering...
Thinking of his image makes my spine quiver....
Even if I close my eyes, I think I can still hear him..
Even in my dreams, I secretly wished that It would be him...

For no reason, I just want to see him..
Just the sight of him makes me feel complete..
Even if he doesn't speak to me nor look at me, just a glance of him
I feel complete..

No matter what I do..
even if I divert my mind into the things that I suppose to do
I can't seem to concentrate
It seemed that he's just around my head,
like a cd that keeps on spinning,
like a song that will never fade
like a dance that no one will ever get tired or dancing..

This is it....
I know that there's a big chance of hurting again...
My red flag is up... again..

Again... my heart is just ready to take a step..
A step that can make or break
myself....

Am about to start a new phase in my life, hope it'll turn out right.

No this isn't a career move, more than that..

I will try to compete against myself...

For years, I have been fat

yes! FAT as in mataba

I have been in this figure for years already,

I have tried all sorts of diet but when hunger strikes, I suddenly forgot the regimen.

Soo...

When I came into a promo sort of thing...

I didn't think twice...

This is just a huge leap

Crossing my fingers that this will be successful

hopefully

Ang peg ko for this day

Ngayong araw na to' for once ayokong gumawa ng kahit na ano

Gusto ko sanang mag unwind

Pero paano ko naman gagawin yun kung wala akong pang unwind

Gusto ko sanang pumunta ng Quiapo para bumili ng pirated dvds

Pero hindi naman sumasagot si Dominic

Gusto ko sanag mag sentimiento na wala na akong pera

Pero alam ko naman na di ginusto ni Mama na makapos kami

Gusto ko sana maghanap nalang ng trabaho

Pero paano ko gagawin yun? di naman kaya ng konsensya ko

Gusto kong sumaya

Pero ang hirap

Gusto ko sanag mawala ng parang bula

Pero paano ko naman gagawin yun?

This is it!!

Kinakabahan nanaman ako...

Parang may mangyayari nanaman

Parang may pasabog nanaman sa buhay ko later.

Nakaka kaba

Shettttt

Gusto ko ng lumipat ng trabaho...

Dati gusto kong lumipat ng trabaho dahil gusto kong tumakas

Pero ngayon gusto kong umalis dito para maka pag move on na

Dati gusto kong umalis na dito dahil naniniwala akong monster si boss

pero ngayon parang naiintindihan ko na kung bakit may mga outbursts sya

Dati gusto kong lumayas dito kasi di kami magkasundo ng amo ko

Ngayon alam ko na ang pinag uugatan nito --- yung teammate ko

Dati gusto ko ng umalis dito para makahanap ng mataas na sahod

Ngayon-- ganun pa din rason ko :))

Ang dami kong dahilan nuon para umalis, pero hanggang ngayon andito pa din ako...

Alam kong may dahilan si Lord kung bakit andito pa din ako. Oo mahirap tanggapin, pero ano naman bang magagawa ko? Pero sa totoo lang kahit na mahirap atleast madami akong natutuhan, di rin minsan maiwasan na masigawan, mamura, may madisppoint pero at the end ok lang. Sana soon makahanap na ko ng malilipatan.

this is it for today

Here It goes again...

Why is it if someone tells you something is wrong (job, what you look like?etc) you'd feel really angry and offended?

Why is it soo hard to say I'm sorry?

Why is it some people find it difficult to admit that they've done something really wrong.

I'm not bossy or a mean boss. I hate it when I encounter one? pero naman

Is it really a sin when you obliged your subordinates to do something right? I know.. at the start it will be really difficult, but don't they get to experience fulfillment after doing something really relevant?

Don't they feel nice when they'd a finish a task without even asking them to do so?

Kailangan ko lang ng pag kukusa. Yun lang. I just needed respect. Pasensya na kung natapakan ko ang mga EGO nyong napaka laki. Sa ginagawa nyong yan sa palagay nyo ba may matitira pa akong respeto sa inyo?

As for now, I don't have any respect anymore to these guys, Yes they are my friends, my colleagues, my staff.

The clock seemed too slow today... hayyyyyy

I'll soon follow my heart, I'll just have to do what's right.. for now.

Promise, I will....

impakto, tarantado, gago, bwisit, hayop, siraulo, sinungaling, talipandas, gago, gago, gago,

ANG KATABI KO!! TARANTADO!!!

No matter how I tried to bring my mood up, I just can't........

I am very sad, depressed and stressed. This is just the boiling point of every thing. I have done all my best... I just can't believe that all my work was just like a dust that puffed into the air. why is it it seemed that how hard i worked for something the harder and its more illusive. I can't get it.... No matter how I convince myself to move on and just try my luck somewhere, I just can't understand it... this is just so much.. Oh Lord I don't know if I can still pull myself.. sobrang sakit na po kasi..................

Saan ba dapat ako magsimula?

Feeling ko nasa kalsada ako na sobrang dilim...

Feeling ko ang tanga tanga ko....

Pucha nagpaloko nanaman ako...

Bakit ganun? Bakit ba di nagiging akma yung mga pangyayari sa buhay natin?

Bakit pag feeling mo malapit mo nang ma achieve yung goal mo bigla nalang ipapamukha sayo ng buhay na sobrang layo mo pa para ma achieve mo yung pangarap mo?

Bakit kahit anong sakripisyo ang gawin ko, kahit ilang litro ng pawis ko ang ibigay ko sa isang trabaho sa huli ako pa din ang talo?

ang unfair naman.....

Buong buhay ko nagtatrabaho ako ng buong puso....

Di ko manlang naalagaan ang sarili kong mabuti....

Ang tanga tanga ko talaga...

Nagtitiis nanaman ako... pinahihirapan ko nanaman ang sarili ko

Sana isang araw pag gising ko, I will just look at these things as part of my experiences...

Sana sa susunod di na ako maloko.....

another sad part :(

Ngayon ko lang narealize na di pala worth it ang bawat pagpupuyat ko dito...

Bawat pagpasok ko ng linggo,

Bawat luhang tumulo sa akin....

I feel bad about this..... All along I thought kaya ko nang tulungan ng lubos ang parents ko...

Bakit ganun? I have worked so hard.... pinaghirapan ko ang lahat ng narating ko, pero bakit ganito? hanggang dito nalang ba talga?

Ngayon ko lang narealize na di na takga ako dapat dito magtagal... sana sa lalong madaling panahon maka alis na ako dito....

Today's mood

Heck I dont know if I'm going to survive later

Feeling at the moment

Feeling ko pagdating ni boss later ganito ako.............

tapos after nya ko kausapin magiging ganito ako...

Today wishful mood

Sana ngayong araw, maging ganito ako ka active.....

wahhhh

Today's task :))

Today.....

I wanted to.................

......

Free my mind from all negative things that may come today...