:-( part 2

I did not attend my job interview today!
Why? What the hell was I up to?

I don't know, all I know is that my mom was a bit disappointed when she learned that I was scheduled for an interview today.... she didn't talk to me the entire night....
I cried the entire night because I feel that the space around me is becoming smaller and smaller that I can't breathe anymore.

I was praying to God last night because I feel that I can't do this anymore, I feel that I am very weak.

Sometimes I wonder who I am, where should I go?

It pains me......

:-(

I got a job interview tomorrow!
Yes!!

Ok I admit, i dont sound excited, I am scared... hell scared...
There are so many things that's passing thru my mind now
I got this feeling that I have develop a phobia towards work...
They say that i should give myself a chance.... pero bakit ganun?
Parang di ko napag-isipan ang ilang bagay which are very important.
I feel like am in a sea with no one to help me, feeling ko my boat is sinking.
Natatakot akong magtry ng bagong bagay....
But i want to change, i want to seek out new opportunities, pero bakit ganito yung feeling ko?
Feeling ko its time for me to admit that I can't do it.
I can't do this....
Shit

I am scared for tomorrow they might ask me kung anung advantage ko from ibang candidates.
I am scared to say that I sucked on my last job.
I am scared so scared

Nevertheless, even if I seemed to be a scared shit, i will still try to be there, gusto ko lang naman itry. For now I would like to just stop thinking in negative, for now I would like to be selfish kahit ngayon lang, bukas i will go the venue and see what in it for me? Baka nadinig na ako ni Lord, baka ito na ito, if ever ok lang din atleast I have learned something.

I am soo dead

I forgot that world asthma day is coming on 1st week of may, wala pa akong nagagawa, I am sooo dead

sad

How do you keep up when you feel like giving up?

Singit

Hehehe no hindi ito bastos! Not this time! Ang ibig ko lang naman sabihin sa singit eh yung something that gets in between, katulad nito, I'm actually finishing an important task but I can't think of anything. Ayan habang may tinatapos kumekeme nanaman ako ng blog hahaha, pag nahuli ako ng terorista YARI AKO!!!! Hahaha

Ayan as I write my entry, may sumingit nanaman sa isip ko, yung mga worries ko nag he hello nanaman sa akin, O sige na nga maghe hello na din ako hahaha, kaloka, lunes na lunes feeling ko pagod na pagod ako, sign na ba ito? sign ng....... Oh nohhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

Ngayon nag hi naman sa aking nagh pending kong trabaho... ayan I'll leave na. I'll try to focus more.........

TERORISTANG AMO

Ayan nakapagpost uli ako dito,
Lately I feel so tired
ayoko na sana kaya lang ang tanga ko din nagpapigil pa ako
akala ko kasi kaya ko pa
pero ngayon ko lang narealize na di na pala
ayoko na ngang pumasok ang lunes eh
kasi bibweltahan nanaman nya ako
nalulungkot ako kasi twing kausap nya ako feeling ko ang engot ko
minsan nag-iisip ako kung naiisip nya ang epekto ng mga sinasabi nya.
Kanina habang nagdadsal di ko mapigilang umiyak, kasi naman nagawa ko na lahat ng kaya ko para magkasundo kami, unfortunately wala mali pa din ako.
Ang sabi nya sa akin dati magkaroon daw kami ng communication, pero pucha paano naman ako makikipagcommunicate eh saksakan naman ng pagka antipatika sya, lahat ng sabihin ko pota mali!
Minsan pag kinakausap nya ako gusto kontg sumigaw ng bonggang bongga at sabihin na "oo na ikaw na ang tama at ako ang tanga"
dati di ako naniniwala sa pagiging terorista ng isang amo pero ngayon pucha oo na.
Ayoko ana maging nega pero juice me grabe nag uumapaw ang kasamaan ng ugali nya kakainis.
Minsan naiisip ko kung napapakinggan ba ako ni Lord kasi ilang beses ko na syang pinagdasal kako Lord sana po marealize ni Mam na nakakasakit po sya. Na konti nalang po o bukas makalawa baka mawalan na sya ng mga empleyado.
Hayy ayoko na mamaya bebenggahin nanaman nya ako ayoko na talaga.

First!

First!

First writing for this year!
First attempt ever to get out of something!
First time to have someone said "you suck"
First time I have ever felt to say the same thing!

First time to tremble when this particular person comes in..
First time to pray sooo hard just to achieve an escape
First time to admit to myself that I am sometimes weak
First time to say all of these.

First time first ever doing this.